بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Today I received a devastating email from the UK by a woman who was raped by her husband, for which he was convicted to a 6 year prison term. But instead of being able to live her life, her children were taken off her to be force adopted.
Social Services alledge that she has “psychological issues post trauma” and “that she allowed herself to be raped”. Once the media attention went away from this appaling case the Court of Appeal in London rejected her appeal in the second instance (after being initially granting her permission to appeal, I still need to find out how all this is even legal, as she has also not even received a judgment yet). The result is that her 2 small children went into forced adoption, leaving the woman a victim of rape who is stigmatized as “incapable mother” and open for yet more abuse in form of another forced adoption by social services UK should she ever have another baby. I have written about her case before on this blog.
I felt dizzy when I read her email and could hardly breath for about one hour. I felt like I am sinking to the bottom a deep dark ocean. Why are victims of abuse treated like this? What can I tell people like her and others about “healing the trauma” when she is surrounded by constant reminders of her stigma and ordeal and sits virtually in a 24/7 prison that will never allow her to have a family life again?
Then I remembered an act of psychomagic a Sufi from Pakistan once taught me – to release caged birds bought at the market with a prayer for freedom. So I wonder, do birds who are released by women who lie on the ocean floor fly too? They must. If nothing flies, then at least let your imagination fly free and the rest, insh’allah, may follow.
This is her email:
“I myself are devastated about the loss of the appeal and still with no judgement to be had. I was pregnant at the court of appeal with my new partner and all the fear of british social services began to return I sadly made the decision to terminate and at 16 weeks this was not nice I hold a lot of guilt now for 3 children lost, but my partner is very supportive and I feel a sense of relief a baby will not be snatched in a delivery room or I will have to stand and be judged unfairly. It was a horrible decision but reality was even worse, too much to bare and no child should be born to go into the hands of a local authority. I know I would be a lamb to the slaughter with them all and adopters would probably be told they will have a Christmas present baby as it was due at Christmas, but now I have lost (the appeal) and lost the biggest of things – I have no freedom to even contemplate a normal life, my life is made of decisions and ones through fear and to be untouchable to the abuse is better than being abused. I knew what I carried was not going to be our baby but a commodity for the state . I am at ease with a decision I had no choice but to protect families and children, as this child would have been lost to 2 sisters and the emotional pain that (all this) would inflict was something I would spare all those 2 girls . It is not acceptable for this to happen but I could not change or alter the culture and behaviour of courts and local authorities who would never dream to contemplate the actual consequencces of childrens emotions, it was simply a castastrophe waiting to happen which would affect the lives of everyone . And I would never agree to admit that my other 2 children were rightfully adopted just to keep a brother or sister. The reports of any of this could damage my girls in the future . So there you have it (…) I will eventually recover hour by hour day by day and one day my girls will return and one day I can tell them the truth and for that I hold onto it all . I am very sad obviously and still live in this emptiness . I just know it wasn’t me or my family I know its just the corrupt system.”